Everyone has all the answers...

You know the old proverb, "You won't know me, or understand my blues; until you have walked awhile in my shoes." It's funny how people seem to forget it and act as if they have all the answers when you are going through something personally and are just looking for a shoulder to lean on or someone to listen.


Before I had my son, I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I developed insulin intolerance because of the PCOS and when I became pregnant I developed gestational diabetes at 16 weeks. It was not a total surprise because of my PCOS, but by the end of my pregnancy I was taking three insulin shots a day, checking my blood glucose levels 3-4 times a day, and I treated my body like a temple with everything I ate. My son was born two weeks early because of the gestational diabetes, but all of work paid off because he was a healthy (and small) 6 lbs, 11 oz.

After his birth I seemed to bouce back from having gestational diabetes. My levels returned to normal and I took Metformin for the PCOS which also helped manage the insulin intolerance. In the last year I noticed that I was feeling exceptionally thirsty and showing some definite signs of diabetes. I visited my primary care doctor and sure enough I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I was immediately put on insulin, given a new glucometer, and told to watch what I ate. Apparently I didn't watch carefully enough nor did I check my levels as often as I should have.

Fast forward to now. I recently went to see a specialist for reasons other than my diabetes. They naturally did some blood work and call me the next day with the results. My A1C level, the level that measure your blood glucose levels, came back high. My doctor would like it to be 7 or under and my specialist would like it to be 6 or under, my level was 9.3. Definitely not good. In the last few weeks I have doubled my insulin intake and started a new medication, Byetta, that I inject two times a day. I have also started counting carbs again and I've become the sugar-free queen.

I was mad at myself for allowing this to happen. I was frustrated that I would have to wait 3-6 months to go back to see my specialist. I was ready to go down that path again and putting it off upset me since there were already so many unknowns. The things is that I was allowed to feel all of this, but no one else seemed to think so. More than once I would hear, "I just don't understand why this is so difficult" or "You should be happy you found out all of this now". I know that, I know that diabetics go on to live "normal" lives, but I am still allowed to feel frustrated. Most importantly, I felt alone because I felt like no one truly understood what I was feeling and the changes that needed to be made. It's hard and a lot of work.

Like I said at the beginning...unless you've walked in my shoes, don't sit in judgement or tell me how to feel. Until any of you become an insulin dependent diabetic, please don't sit and act as if you have all the anwers or know what I'm going through. You don't. Let me move through the cycle of emotions and like always, I will be just fine in time.

3 Going on 30

My little man turned three years old last Thursday! I just can not believe that three years have gone by so fast. It just doesn't seem possible.

We celebrated his birthday 4th of July weekend while we were visiting my husband's family in Saranac Lake. The little man had an absolute ball eating cake and ice cream, opening presents, and the evening was topped off with a great display of fireworks which he thoroughly enjoyed.

Now my little man is very entertaining and extremely humerous. He says the funniest things when you are least expecting it, but at times you swear you aren't talking to a three year old, but a child much older. This past Friday we received a sales booklet from The Children's Place in the mail. He was very into looking at the pictures and pointing out the other children in the book. After he had sat down and looked through the book, very thoroughly I might add, he set the book down, looked right at me, and said this:

Little Man: Mommy, I need new clothes. I would like some new clothes for preschool and I would also like a camera. My own camera so I can take pictures of me with other people and my friends.

Me: So you would like some new clothes AND a camera of your own?

Little Man: Yes!

Me: Well we will see what we can do about that.

Little Man: Thank you, Mommy!

As he walked away, I sat there in wonder and amusement. I had flashbacks of the last three years and took great pride in how this little boy had turned out thus far. Then I realized that he had actually become a little man!

It's All About You

As children we grow up thinking the every day activities of our family are normal. Normal is a relative word, it can mean so many different things to people. As we become adults, leave home, and start own families I believe the things from our past that we once thought were "normal" become more apparent and we begin to question events of our past.

It is only recently, within the last year, that I have come to understand more the environment in which I grew up. As a result I have also become more perceptive of people in my life and those I meet that also reflect the traits of a narcissist. Also known as emotional vampires, they drain, manipulate, and take advantage of your love in an effort to build their unhealthy ego and make themselves look good. They never admit they are wrong and are rarely self-reflective of their own faults. Growing up in this type of environment is unhealthy and emotionally destructive. As children and adults of narcissists, we live to make them happy and our own self worth is built and torn apart based on their happiness.

I came in contact with one such person yesterday. She has no comprehension of the effect of both her original words and those that followed. She insulted all but three people that belong to our group and she can not understand why anyone would have a negative reaction to her words. I don't normally get upset about stuff like this and I let it go, but I find myself very upset and unsure of how to move forward. I know one reason is because the moderator of the group is a close friend. I feel she is being drawn into the middle of this and I never meant to contribute to any of this drama, but simply state my feelings and where I was coming from. Another issue is that this individual acts as if she owns our group and those that haven't contributed as much have betrayed her. It's not her group! It's my friend's group to moderate. This individual needs to get over herself and understand that this is not about her, it's about the future of the group.

So I will make every effort to let this go today. I refuse to let someone, who I barely know, have such an effect on me. Such is life and I choose to move forward.