Everyone has all the answers...

You know the old proverb, "You won't know me, or understand my blues; until you have walked awhile in my shoes." It's funny how people seem to forget it and act as if they have all the answers when you are going through something personally and are just looking for a shoulder to lean on or someone to listen.


Before I had my son, I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I developed insulin intolerance because of the PCOS and when I became pregnant I developed gestational diabetes at 16 weeks. It was not a total surprise because of my PCOS, but by the end of my pregnancy I was taking three insulin shots a day, checking my blood glucose levels 3-4 times a day, and I treated my body like a temple with everything I ate. My son was born two weeks early because of the gestational diabetes, but all of work paid off because he was a healthy (and small) 6 lbs, 11 oz.

After his birth I seemed to bouce back from having gestational diabetes. My levels returned to normal and I took Metformin for the PCOS which also helped manage the insulin intolerance. In the last year I noticed that I was feeling exceptionally thirsty and showing some definite signs of diabetes. I visited my primary care doctor and sure enough I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I was immediately put on insulin, given a new glucometer, and told to watch what I ate. Apparently I didn't watch carefully enough nor did I check my levels as often as I should have.

Fast forward to now. I recently went to see a specialist for reasons other than my diabetes. They naturally did some blood work and call me the next day with the results. My A1C level, the level that measure your blood glucose levels, came back high. My doctor would like it to be 7 or under and my specialist would like it to be 6 or under, my level was 9.3. Definitely not good. In the last few weeks I have doubled my insulin intake and started a new medication, Byetta, that I inject two times a day. I have also started counting carbs again and I've become the sugar-free queen.

I was mad at myself for allowing this to happen. I was frustrated that I would have to wait 3-6 months to go back to see my specialist. I was ready to go down that path again and putting it off upset me since there were already so many unknowns. The things is that I was allowed to feel all of this, but no one else seemed to think so. More than once I would hear, "I just don't understand why this is so difficult" or "You should be happy you found out all of this now". I know that, I know that diabetics go on to live "normal" lives, but I am still allowed to feel frustrated. Most importantly, I felt alone because I felt like no one truly understood what I was feeling and the changes that needed to be made. It's hard and a lot of work.

Like I said at the beginning...unless you've walked in my shoes, don't sit in judgement or tell me how to feel. Until any of you become an insulin dependent diabetic, please don't sit and act as if you have all the anwers or know what I'm going through. You don't. Let me move through the cycle of emotions and like always, I will be just fine in time.