Thinking is Overrated

*** To my family and friends who may read this: Please do not take offense to anything I may write in my entry. I am simply tired and feeling annoyed at the moment. This is my rant for the day...week...month. ***


Do you ever want everyone else to just disappear so you can be alone? I'm not talking about forever, but just a few minutes so you can clear your head and make sense of everything going on in your life. I've had that feeling lately. There just seems to be so much going on between work and family and I'm just mentally tired. My brain needs a vacation because lately it rarely rests and has been forced to process so much.


I'm at the point where I just don't want to talk about anything. I don't want to talk about what's for dinner, what part of the new house we will work on, if we need to buy more paint, if the little man has had enough milk or fruit that day, the drama with my parents, will I ever finish packing the apartment so we can actually move to the house, whether the bills have been paid, other's "midlife" crisis, or have others tell me what I should have done differently or better so their life would be an easier and happier place. I don't want to feel pressure to be a better daughter because I have my own life and family to care for or to be a better mother because I work full-time. Who cares if I choose not to give my son candy, cookies, or jelly on his bread at 2 years old. Don't ever accuse me of not caring because I didn't pick up the phone one week to call you. Did you ever think that maybe something happened in my life and you should call me? Does anyone ever stop to consider how your selfish acts effect me when I give so much of myself to you on a regular basis?


I just want quiet. I don't want to think about details and I don't want to be expected to have answers. I want to feel appreciated for what I do and loved for who I am, but maybe that's too much to ask for right now.